I’m too interested in the archaeology of my own brain, being a 1930s Indiana Jones of the mind

August 5, 2017 § Leave a comment

I’m too interested in the archaeology of my own brain, being a 1930s Indiana Jones of the mind. I’m too thrilled by the infinity of self-analysis opening up in front of me; I felt the group was wasting my time so much it made me want to scream; like sitting at my desk in work makes me want to scream: this is taking me in completely the opposite direction from the one in which I need to go.

Dracula cornered in Piccadilly turns on his pursuers and snarls “Revenge will be mine. Time is on my side”

July 30, 2017 § Leave a comment

Dracula, cornered in Piccadilly, turns on his pursuers and snarls “Revenge will be mine. Time is on my side.” Van Gogh didn’t die or fail because he held onto his beliefs till the end, Karl Marx didn’t die because he held on to his beliefs till the end. Who remembers the names of those who threw abuse at Van Gogh. I am a vampire. I sit in corners and suck whatever I can get out of people that is useful to me, and for that I am hated and reviled!; so be it: they can never defeat me.

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I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point. I have to be helped to create, that is to function better as a writer, be more productive as a writer, because that is what I am, but I’m being prevented from being it by my conflicts and feeling of falling.

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing, I never felt safe. Now that I have come to some permanent solutions, I need support in implementing them; I want to become more productive and function better. I’m starting to feel safer now, the lean is fixed steadily in its place I want it to be. —– is part of the permanent solution. To keep me feeling safe, to enable me to write.

So we ended our 16 weeks still disagreeing about what to do next but she had saved the tower for the time being

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

So we ended our 16 weeks still disagreeing about what to do next, but she had saved the tower for the time being, and subsequently I was able to put some permanent solutions into place, but then I needed some help with them, that’s what —– is. Just to finish the job of making the repair permanent, and make the tower lean safely forever.

What interests me about myself is the dangerous lean in me so you have to very carefully prop me up so I’m safely leaning forever

July 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

What interests me about myself is the dangerous lean in me, so you have to very carefully prop me up so I’m safely leaning forever. The bit of madness in me is what makes my life worth living.

I don’t want you to send me crashing to the ground and build a new one because the new one would have an interest of 0%

July 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

I don’t want you to send me crashing to the ground and build a new one, because the new one would have an interest of 0% when the old precarious one has an interest value of 100%. Make it safe forever so it can be one of the wonders of the world forever; it must still lean, because it wouldn’t have any interest if it didn’t lean.

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