What is different now is that I am travelling with a wife back in London behind me
July 5, 2016 § Leave a comment
What is different now is that I am travelling with a wife back in London behind me. What is different is that after I stopped travelling, and fell in love with —–, and then spent four years doing nothing, thinking nothing every minute of every night and day except about —–, I am now with —–, and now feel the desire to go back to all the same places again, just to see how they feel now. I miss her so much when I go and I feel so much love for her when I am apart from her, it is like biting down on a loose tooth when you are a child, it hurts but the blood tastes delicious. The mix of pain and deliciousness is addictive. The great irony is that when I broke up with R— on the morning of Twelfth Night, I felt now I am free, and I am going to bestride the world and enjoy my freedom like never before, yet just a few hours later as Twelfth Night became Epiphany —– was getting in a cab and ringing the doorbell of my flat, and since that moment I got sucked inexorably into being a family man and the brief glimpse of freedom was snuffed out as soon as it began, but not to have been reunited with —– would have left a universe-sized chasm in my life and my soul, a Grand Canyon that nothing or no one else could ever heal. The great challenge now is to make a double life work amidst the ferns and the classical music and the steaming baths.