Always this pleasure in despair

July 8, 2016 § Leave a comment

Always this pleasure in despair. It is all I have known all my life, it is all I knew from the moment I was born. It is all I am comfortable with, it is the only air I can breathe. In a family, I feel like a fish out of water. I cannot breathe. I can only breathe in pain and despair. Book that flight to Vienna. Precipitate that crisis. Perhaps we should just split up for a while. Europe only comes to life for me when I have nothing at home and am totally nihilistic. Then I have all the time in the world on my hands, I can spend one day going to the Belvedere and St Stephen’s, the next day going to KHM and the Butterfly House, but more than anything just sitting at bars watching the world go by thinking about the girl I lost.
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