It is Walpurgis Night tonight
September 1, 2016 § Leave a comment
It is Walpurgis Night tonight; perhaps I should beg freedom for tonight. But I’m already drunk and tired by 12:15 in the afternoon. Thus the Journals 2010-11 begin. Now I have —– but miss my complete freedom to —- what I want. The cry of many a man everywhere. Perhaps we need to break up and love each other from a far, far distance. But I want the old excitement. The old sea-faring on stormy seas, Master & Commander excitement. No I don’t forget how eviscerated by pain and despair and loneliness I used to be every day of my life; I just wonder if that is not the only way I can live and thrive and bloom and blossom. Don’t our ways have to part? Isn’t it inevitable? I have never been in a relationship this long. It is not normal for me. I am in uncharted waters. Uncharted calm waters. I am grateful to the storms that formed me, and now miss them. Better we split? It will return the fire and excitement and blood to our relationship? I want a great big explosion of excitement in my life, like what —– produced at the beginning, but which is lost in marriage. Perhaps I have to split up to find it. So everything is new again. Some people can only be alone. The title of this book is still waiting to be discovered. The titles of all four books came towards the end. We are just in the foothills right now. The summit is lost in the fog.