But I think the problem is just that my sex drive has pretty much gone now. The white heat of lust that I always used to travel with has gone

September 14, 2016 § Leave a comment

But I think the problem is just that my sex drive has pretty much gone now. The white heat of lust that I always used to travel with has gone and now the scales have fallen from my eyes and I see these sad places and rubbish girls for how they really are, and it just makes me shudder and want to get away. The rausch has gone. How I long to get back to the good old fashioned stripping of the ——–! Amazing beautiful sexy young women with fantastic bodies, dancing sexily on the little stage in the gloomy light. There is nothing better. The Schweinske is a gorgeous restaurant. It is a shame I am never coming back to Cologne. I suppose I will continue to change trains here some times. I have never seen so many pretty nubile young girls in my life as I see here in Koln station. I could just wander around and around the station corridors and passageways all day, delighting in the visions before my eyes; occasionally sitting down in the Schweinske for a Carlsberg to rest my feet, before resuming my strolls. It would be easy to forget one has a train to catch. I could spend my life in Koln station. Watching the pretty girls all day, eating & drinking in the Schweinske, going up to my bed in the Ibis to sleep. The only problem is there is no Tallulah or Esmeralda in this town. I do not get better, I get worse. I am no longer bothered to go to the art museums or the cathedrals. I did not even enter the Dom here in Koln even though I am right next to it; same as the Museum Ludwig. I just want the drink, and the Tallulah & Esmeralda. I am totally diseased. It is in my bones, in my blood and in my marrow. The seeds have spread up my spine into my brain. There is no hope for me now. I am getting worse. Of course —– must leave me and find a proper man to be her husband. I am a traveller, I am a wanderer. It is all I can be.
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