There used to be an intellectual foundation to all my journeys

September 22, 2016 § Leave a comment

There used to be an intellectual foundation to all my journeys. I would go to the art museum, and cathedrals, and justice palaces, and bourses, and important places during the day, and the strip clubs was the icing on the cake at night. And if the nighttime places proved tawdry empty experiences, I was left with the enriching memory of the intellectual sustenance I had gained during the day. Now I do nothing but go just to the nighttime places and come away with nothing but the feelings of tawdriness and emptiness. There was no one I wanted in Atlantic City or Sexyland, or either of the other two places I barely set foot in. Well, at least I tried. Going to Atlantic City was a miserable experience and going to Sexyland was a miserable experience—so why on earth do I still keep going? A ridiculous addictive behaviour. “It is eating away at my love, my life and my money. But it is only in these degradations that I find the harmony”. In love I find stress and tension and claustrophobia that makes me silently scream. Wurzburg is the least pretty German town I have seen in all my travels. I have felt totally calm on this trip, not a moment of stress. Though like an actor or sportsman needs to feel a little nervous before the start, otherwise he will not give a good performance, I do not have high experiences either. Just a deadness. “Like a zombie”. Was that Angel comment directed at me? I take myself to these clubs, and make myself stay, even though I am totally not enjoying it.
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