I think my sub-conscious knew I was edging towards returning to a Grand Tour of Europe I can certainly in no way afford and deep down do not want to go on
January 17, 2017 §
I think my sub-conscious knew I was edging towards returning to a Grand Tour of Europe I can certainly in no way afford, and deep down do not want to go on, as I do not want to leave —– anymore, but still I was getting closer to doing it, so my sub-conscious knew it has to throw a huge spanner in the works, and make sure I did not make that terrible mistake again. The virus is my also nagging desire to go back to Europe, and as long as that is in my system, and as long as the consequent repulsion at the thought of going back to Europe is also in my system, so the infection will persist and not lose an iota of its virulence. The infection is manifest visual representation of the battle that is waging inside me, Jakob with the Angel, Gandalf with the Balrog, over whether I go back to Europe or not. The infection is me telling myself: No! Do not do something you really do not want to do! Resist your old temptation! You must fight against slipping back into that old addiction, travelling, travelling, travelling, all with money you do not have! Do not slip back into the plus £20,000 debts again! There will not be another financial miracle sent your way to get you out of it next time! That was your second chance and don’t blow it!