Why do I feel so depressed and…scared tonight

January 18, 2017 § Leave a comment

Why do I feel so depressed, and…scared tonight. I think two days of wasteful excess on Thursday and Friday are responsible for this. I feel completely ugly and bloated now. Excess always goes straight to my face so everyone can see it. I feel everyone is against me now, at work, at home, in the street. Just a couple of unkind words are enough to plunge me into misery. It is perhaps merely a feeling of self-loathing which I project onto the faces of everyone around. I have passed a completely sober Saturday quietly at home, with my ferns and my classical music. “A heady night of mostly late romantic music by Berg, Schoenberg and Webern”. I feel the benefit of it now in my clear-headedness, and the easy flow of the ink from my pen, yet I am also crushingly aware of this awful, ugly, fat face. My wastefulness and foolishness are written all over it.
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