I will run up such a debt I will no longer be able to go out in London, will just pay all my money on my credit card repayments & interest

December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

I will run up such a debt I will no longer be able to go out in London, will just pay all my money on my credit card repayments & interest. That is OK. I will go back to drinking in my mother’s house & the Calcutta, while listening to the songs that remind me of travel, until I can travel again.
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I am so tired & jaded of London now. I must instead go & get drunk in Brussels & Berlin

December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

I am so tired & jaded of London now. I must instead go & get drunk in Brussels & Berlin. Reacquaint myself with Karl Kraus, and F Nietzsche.

The thought of travelling has already cheered me up again! Just to go drinking in a different place

December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

The thought of travelling has already cheered me up again! Just to go drinking in a different place. But if I’m going to go, I have to go wild, and spend a lot of money, not necessarily in Brussels, but for sure in Berlin.

If only I could have back all the thousands of pounds I have wasted on strippers and drink over the years I would go out and spend it all on strippers and drink

December 9, 2017 § Leave a comment

If only I could have back all the thousands of pounds I have wasted on strippers and drink over the years, I would go out and spend it all on strippers and drink. Our sad tawdry addictions are the best of us. If I did not have things to be sadly addicted to I would kill myself. Our vices are the best of us. They are when we glow brightest and most brilliant. Oscar Wilde would not be celebrated today, would not have the West End full of his plays, would not have his own statute in Adelaide Street and his own stained (of course) window in Westminster Abbey if not for his vice. To watch young women take their knickers off on a stage. What a sad, empty experience, but as sad, empty experiences go, one of the absolute best. And at the Scotsman it has been refined to its most pure and simple state. The Nag’s Head and the Old Axe could be this good, but are not. Dodgy doorman demanding an apparently arbitrary amount of pound coins in their hand before they will let you in, body searches for concealed..what? An endless stream of 20 or 30 girls constantly asking for private dances. The fact that the Flying Scotsman does not offer private dances seems to me one of the most beautiful things about it. Anyway, if any of my Scotsman girls gave me a private dance I think I would die. It would be too much, after all this time longing for them.fly (3)

There is nothing better than travelling around Europe to see my favourite opera singers. While there enjoying the brothels and strip clubs and pubs as well

December 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

There is nothing better than travelling around Europe to see my favourite opera singers. While there enjoying the brothels and strip clubs and pubs as well. Travel seems the only point to life. To travel is to be held in suspension. As soon as you come to rest, everything stops and falls. You are just left waiting until you can travel again. Between travels I will just drink and drink to make the time go faster. Four in the Calcutta. Managed to keep the box seat the whole time. Two more stunning big breast girls on the 87 to Vauxhall, black ponytail black glasses black T-shirt, and white blonde, black shades, orange top over purple bra. I will go home today so I can get drunk while listening to music. That is all I do every day on my days off, get drunk. Just waiting for the time I can travel again. Thursday should be thundery, and Friday showers. The paper says we are heading for a period of high winds, torrential rain and abnormally high temperatures! Phnom Penh weather. It remains to be seen whether I can resist the lure of the illicit thrill during these atmospheric conditions. I do not want to go back to the Scotsman and Sunset Strip and Cinema and Demi and Pamela until I am also ready to travel. Even when I get September out of the way, there is still all of October, all of November, and all of December to get through! Can I really resist travelling in December? Maybe I will just pop to Brussels? I travel to wallow in nostalgia, not see new places. But just going to Brussels would seem such a dead end, wouldn’t it? Brussels should never be a terminus, it can only be a starting point. A jumping off point. Better to wait till the New Year and combine it with the Berlin trip. One hot steamy, rainy, Phnom Penh weekend I could just pop over to Brussels couldn’t I, just for a Thursday Friday Saturday night, back home Sunday morning, back to work Sunday night? Just for a couple of days drinking in the Maes Bar, couple of nights at Empire and Gare du Nord? What is the difference from a couple of days drinking in the Calcutta, couple of nights at the Scotsman and Soho?

My first Grand Tour of Europe was so stressful for more than anything that I did not drink then

November 30, 2017 § Leave a comment

My first Grand Tour of Europe was so stressful for more than anything that I did not drink then. I was completely sober and unprotected at all times. I felt flayed alive every day. My subsequent trips I have been protected by the warming aura of beer. I of course have done much fewer interesting things and noticed much less. Germans were so vicious to me, Swedish were so vicious to me, Norwegians were so vicious to me, Austrians were so vicious to me. People are like wolves to me, as to Kaspar, wherever I go. Someone once called out Kaspar to me from a doorway, I forget where it was.

You have to be ready for epiphanies. You have to be open to them. You have to have all your telescopes and receivers pointed towards the stars

November 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

You have to be ready for epiphanies. You have to be open to them. You have to have all your telescopes and receivers pointed towards the stars. Who would have thought I could have had two epiphanies on the way to and at Charing Cross Station in the past week? My longing to be travelling again is making me hyper receptive. I have started hoarding my money like never before. I go nowhere in Moloch except The Black Hole of Calcutta pub. There I sit and dream of being in Brussels, or Munich, or Vienna, or Berlin. My four stations of the cross. One day I will go back to Oslo, too, and maybe even Venice and Budapest. It is black and rainy now. The leaves on the trees are just starting to go yellow and orange. I have felt the cold icy air of the mountains and I am ready to go. People ask in bewilderment why do you always go to the same places? I do not know how I could ever go anywhere different. I go to the same art museums and look at the same pictures. I ache to go back to Munich and see Khnoppf’s I Lock The Door Upon Myself, The Devil’s Bridge. These pictures mean so much to me. More than any person means to me. They are so full of meaning for me.068168dfafd63257ece7e0e012a77d25--jungfrau-gabriel

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