January 4, 2017 §
Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone? That release valve is gone. That safe and pleasurable means of draining the swamp is gone. What crazed, frustrated fiends would be left roaming the streets then! Gone, the nice warm relief of sinking into a hot bath on a cold day that the Esmeralda represents. Gone the consequent relaxation and calmness, and ability to then concentrate on other more useful and important things. What will the Puritans unleash upon Europe. What will they do to men’s minds. An ugly or poor or infirm man unable to attract a beautiful woman, what for him then? A lifetime of sexlessness? Unable to release his urges safely with an Esmeralda, what other paths might these urges be forced to divert into? I think not more creative, but more destructive. Whores provide a vital function, and that is why we respect and revere them so much.
January 2, 2017 §
Not only did the Esmeraldas of Vienna throw themselves at me like moths bashing their brains out against a lighthouse, me completely unmoved by their erotic blandishments, but on the other side of the coin I threw myself at Vienna like a moth bashing my brains out against the lighthouse. I navigate by the light of the moon, and my moons are Berlin, Munich and Brussels (no longer Vienna, I think). Anyway whether Vienna was a failed visit or not, travelling has brought me back to life again. My mind is working again, my great rivers are flowing again and threatening to flood their banks! My pulsing, surging torrents, my Niles, my Rhines, my Mississippis are irrigating my long dried up lands! Dry valleys and riverbeds are flowing with water once more! Everything is starting to be dark green and lush again, like Madeira! Storm-tossed, storm-lashed, dark green Madeira! Where I think me and -—- had our best moments! When I am exiled like Napoleon I want to be exiled and imprisoned on Madeira.
December 29, 2016 §
I want to write a Bradshaw’s Continental Railway Guide one day. You want to live like me? You want to follow in my footsteps in some idolatrous pilgrimage? I understand. Well, this is how to do it, this is where to go, where to stay, where to drink, where to eat, where to f–k, where to avoid. Then you can follow in my exact footsteps, and feel close to me. Christ, I’m in the city of Karl Kraus! I’m in the city of Schoenberg, Berg and Webern, and Sigmund Freud, and Egon Schiele. Isn’t that extraordinary? For most of my life I was too frightened to come out of my bedroom, let alone my front door. I was too scared, mortified, to walk down the street. It was only my uncontrollable desire to go to strip clubs, then adult cinemas, then Esmeraldas, that drew me out, and in that glory find my rausch, my intoxication, my confidence, my strength. This is why I will always thank those places, and that world.
December 11, 2016 §
I used to fall in love with Soho whores on a regular basis, I can quite believe Prince Eddy falling in love with a Cleveland Street whore. I fell in love/longing with Siberian Olga, Swedish Pamela, Romanian Lela, Spanish Ana Maria, can never forget massive-breasted Greek Andrea. For gentlemen of refined tastes, the lure of these florid and lurid women of the fleshpots is quite addictive. If you have got money to spare it is so tempting to indulge yourself with these butterflies and Esmeraldas of the salons. And in Berlin I fell in love/longing with Berlin blonde Riccarda, Polish Iga, in Munich with Romanian Emily, Ukrainian Viktoriya, Slovakian Susi. I have spent my entire adult life falling in love with Esmeraldas and Tallulahs (whores and strippers). I have come perilously close to marrying several of them but managed to escape with my life by the skin of my teeth every time.
December 8, 2016 §
My last night in Berlin. I was planning my next trip, in the New Year, to be to Vienna, but now I am not so sure. I have never found much life in Vienna—plenty and plenty of go go bars for sure—but so lifeless? Even the whores seem so, what is the word, diffident? They don’t even try; perhaps seeing how poor I look. Berlin Esmeraldas have no such airs and graces.