January 22, 2017 §
It is true, though, that I love those long train journeys across Europe. Just to spend some days alone with my thoughts and my pen and paper. Perhaps I can enjoy one last Grand Tour of all my favourite places, before I retire from it. Oh but then a year later I will want one more Grand Tour just for old time’s sake, and it will never really end. I don’t know if I can really give up the solitary travelling. It does fulfill some need I have for solitariness. Like Helmut Kohl once a year would take himself off to a health spa. Last year I travelled to Europe four times and spent a total of 12 nights away from home, away from ——. 12 nights to myself out of 365 is not much is it? Perhaps I should allow myself just one Grand Tour a year, and in that tour go to all my places in one go. That is the glory of the Inter Rail Pass. If you are bored in one place, just jump on a train and leave sooner than you planned. If you stop off in another place not planning to stay, but find something amazing to detain you, just hang around longer than planned. That is why going on holiday by plane and just flying from A to B then back home to A again is so boring. Yes, let me allow myself one Grand Tour a year. Then I can just dip into northern Italy for a day or two, just dip into Switzerland and the Alps for a day or two. Get little tasters of those places I have always wanted to go to but will probably never have the time or money to ever really explore as much as I want. If I allow myself one Grand Tour a year, I will be free to go to as many beaches and clear blue seas as —— wants the rest of the year, to try to erase my guilt and shame at leaving her alone! See! I have already talked myself back into travelling alone!
January 13, 2017 §
It is not surprising I feel jaded—since I started travelling in 1999 I have been to Europe 35 times; and that includes 7 visits to Vienna, 12 to Munich, 15 to Brussels and 16 to Berlin. Yes I want to go on the Bernina Express, yes I want to go on the Jungfrau train to the Jungfraujoch, yes I want to travel all around Italy by train; but whenever my financial well fills up enough to allow me to travel again, I know I will more than likely head back to Brussels, Munich and Berlin once more.
January 8, 2017 §
I want to travel in ice and high mountains again; I want to set sail on stormy seas, and leave this safe port that has made me so soft; I want to sail once more through narrow channels between sheer rock cliff faces like Jason & the Argonauts, with the risk of being crushed at any second. Danger is my middle name. I thrive on danger. I thrive on danger, and masturbation. These are my fuel. Funnily enough just a little bit of research shows there are quite a few strip clubs in Munich—or tabledance clubs, that dread, dead expression—all within quite easy walking distance of the Hauptbahnhof and the Intercity Hotel, not just Atlantic City in Schillerstraße and Sexyland in Goethestraße; but I don’t think I will bother, still. I like things to be really close to me, so it is easy and convenient and Atlantic City and Sexyland are just so easy to cross the road and stroll across to, across all those cris-crossing tram tracks. How hard it is for an Englishman to step on tram tracks and not constantly think they are live! How many Europeans must come to England and electrocute themselves on tube or train tracks as they are so used to tracks that are not live! How many Europeans who stand waiting for the green man before crossing a road even if no traffic is coming must be absolutely shocked and horrified when they come to London and see how people just plunge into the hellish traffic and expect it to brake and swerve and avoid them!
January 2, 2017 §
As you can see, I am obsessed with those nights I spent in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. It is like I am still living in them. I go back to experience them again but am disappointed. Those places have gone and I have changed too. The ice has retreated across Europe but the ice has retreated inside my heart, inside my soul, as well. Love is in my life now, and that has melted my great glaciers, my icy peaks, my icecaps. Now my rivers are starting to flow and surge, my empty valley beds are filling again, and my land is becoming green and lush, like Madeira. Yet still I keep thinking about those nights in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. I go back out of nostalgia, to see if there is anything at all of the old erotic breathless excitement I can squeeze out of them like a sponge. A few cold drops is all.
December 24, 2016 §
How can you watch Despair and not want to get straight onto a train to the continent? Eurostar to Brussels, then straight on to an ICE to Cologne then Berlin? How can you watch Bad Timing and not want to get straight on to the train to Vienna? How can you watch La Dolce Vita or 8½ and not want to go straight to Italy? How can you listen to Beethoven, or Schoenberg or Berg or Webern, or Grieg or Sibelius, and not want to just spend your whole life travelling around Europe? Is this a curse, an opium addiction, a sickness? It may destroy your marriages and leave you lonely but I do not know how people cannot spend every single day of their life travelling, if they can possibly afford it.
October 22, 2016 §
Walking through Midi station I remember what a magical, scary, promised land Europe used to be. No more. More than anything I’d like to see ….. dance again. …. behind the bar.
October 8, 2016 §
How soon after returning from a place declaring I will never come back to Munich again, I will never come back to Vienna again, I will never come back to Berlin again, I find myself looking forward to going back. That first Grand Tour to Europe in 1999 has marked me for life. Will I return so disappointed from Berlin again? I hope I can relax there this time, rather than missing —– so much and being desperate to return home before I even arrived like last time.