January 22, 2017 §
I no longer care if my infection gets cured or not; I just want to be left alone with my classical music, my ferns, and my lamps.
January 18, 2017 §
Why do I feel so depressed, and…scared tonight. I think two days of wasteful excess on Thursday and Friday are responsible for this. I feel completely ugly and bloated now. Excess always goes straight to my face so everyone can see it. I feel everyone is against me now, at work, at home, in the street. Just a couple of unkind words are enough to plunge me into misery. It is perhaps merely a feeling of self-loathing which I project onto the faces of everyone around. I have passed a completely sober Saturday quietly at home, with my ferns and my classical music. “A heady night of mostly late romantic music by Berg, Schoenberg and Webern”. I feel the benefit of it now in my clear-headedness, and the easy flow of the ink from my pen, yet I am also crushingly aware of this awful, ugly, fat face. My wastefulness and foolishness are written all over it.
November 11, 2016 §
For me stripping and sex is just part of art; it fits in with paintings, classical music, theatre, opera, it is just part of the continuum. A great opera singer on a stage in florid and lurid make up, a great stripper on a stage in florid and lurid make up, a great whore opening the door in florid and lurid make up, great oil paintings, lush strings of an orchestra amidst ferns and fronds. It is all the same. And each one reminds me of the other. A perfect day would combine all of them together.
October 21, 2016 §
So I have had my hours of erotic exploration, here amidst the fronds and ferns of tropical palmhouse Brussels and Berlin with soot on the leaves, but there has been nothing to compare with watching ….. and …. one after the other on stage at the ——- on the Thursday night before I travelled. The only good memory is the minute of the Miosotis and Nadine Jansen film I watched in the Rosa Luxemburg sex kabins in Berlin. I discovered the second cinema here in Brussels, the Cine Paris, and they seem to show high quality French porn, Marc Dorcel and Private or similar level of smut, compared to the ugly 1970s porn that the ABC relentlessly purveys.
October 18, 2016 §
Everywhere you go you see evidence of the ice retreating—after Berlin where I found Hanky Panky, Stutti, Chocolat, Mon Cheri, Starlight, Blue Bananas, Golden Gate all gone, here in Brussels I look across to the Cine ABC but to the left of it the vacant property that was once the California videokabins and peep show, and to the right of that what was Gascogne Lapdance club. Gone, gone, gone. Soon there will be nowhere at all left for the gentleman pervert, the discerning connoisseur of bosom and buttock, on a stage amidst ferns, revealed beyond an opening curtain.