I build up a precise psychogeography of places where I can indulge my solipsism, where I can feel free in my solipsism, where my solipsism feels most calm & unattacked

November 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

I build up a precise psychogeography of places where I can indulge my solipsism, where I can feel free in my solipsism, where my solipsism feels most calm & unattacked. My favourite cities are Brussels, Berlin, Munich and Vienna. Before I retreat to my tall, vine-covered citadel, with missing floors, and hidden corridors and hidden passageways, its libraries and its studies. My Castle Duino. Where Sylvia and Elena Prokina come to visit me; where Gitta Maria Sjoberg and Katerina Giotas and Violeta Urmana, my goddesses of the opera stage, come to stay with me. The sounds of Rosa Ponselle fill my citadel. This is my black fortress on the edge of a cliff that protects me. I am King Ludwig and this is my Schloss Neuschwanstein. I have set up my base in the Antarctica of the moral world and here make my climactic observations and scientific measurements.scott

To turn my back on the ice and high mountains

January 21, 2017 § Leave a comment

To turn my back on the ice and high mountains, on the glaciers and the Jungfraujoch, and turn instead to white beaches, clear blue seas, steaming palmhouses. To leave behind the bar of the Berlin Plaza, the Rechthaler Hof restaurant in Munich, the Café du Dôme and Brussels Grill in Brussels? Already the doubts set in! But I love —– too much and hate leaving her behind too much. Of course I can still enjoy some small pleasures in the hothouse, sultry atmosphere of London in summer when —– is busy.

I want to travel in ice and high mountains again

January 8, 2017 § Leave a comment

I want to travel in ice and high mountains again; I want to set sail on stormy seas, and leave this safe port that has made me so soft; I want to sail once more through narrow channels between sheer rock cliff faces like Jason & the Argonauts, with the risk of being crushed at any second. Danger is my middle name. I thrive on danger. I thrive on danger, and masturbation. These are my fuel. Funnily enough just a little bit of research shows there are quite a few strip clubs in Munich—or tabledance clubs, that dread, dead expression—all within quite easy walking distance of the Hauptbahnhof and the Intercity Hotel, not just Atlantic City in Schillerstraße and Sexyland in Goethestraße; but I don’t think I will bother, still. I like things to be really close to me, so it is easy and convenient and Atlantic City and Sexyland are just so easy to cross the road and stroll across to, across all those cris-crossing tram tracks. How hard it is for an Englishman to step on tram tracks and not constantly think they are live! How many Europeans must come to England and electrocute themselves on tube or train tracks as they are so used to tracks that are not live! How many Europeans who stand waiting for the green man before crossing a road even if no traffic is coming must be absolutely shocked and horrified when they come to London and see how people just plunge into the hellish traffic and expect it to brake and swerve and avoid them!

You can settle down to married life and settle down to not travelling anymore in ice and high mountains

January 7, 2017 § Leave a comment

You can settle down to married life, and settle down to not travelling anymore, in ice and high mountains, and settle down to not going to strip clubs, and prostitutes, and adult cinemas anymore; but then you might be tempted to feel you have settled down to slippers and a blanket over your knees, you have settled down to your coffin. Some people are not cut out for married life, as curative as it is for your soul and your spirit. Oh but how totally bored and miserable I was for four days in Vienna—Vienna! capital of Viennese Eroticism! city of Schoenberg, Berg, Webern, Karl Kraus! Not one single full erection in the entire duration of my stay no matter how hard I tried. How totally bored and miserable I was on the two day trip to Brussels and Cologne the year before! Again not one single full erection during the entire duration. You carry the weather with you. I am sad to have left her behind. From the moment my door closes behind me I am sad to be leaving her behind.

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives

January 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives. When I first set foot on the ice in 1992, I had no idea that so much of the ice I could see all around me would be gone in a few short years. We polar explorers and mountaineers have been pushed further and further to the edge of the continent, like woolly mammoths, and if Europe does become a ‘society without prostitution’ then we will finally be pushed off the cliff, and our time will be over. We are the last of a dying breed. Yet, yes, the great Esmeraldas of Vienna and Berlin (Hamburg and Amsterdam, where I have never been), will instead move to the ‘cellar bars’ one finds in Munich, tempting men with expensive fake champagne and nothing more, and if that is all that is on offer, men will spend all their money on that. They may become Tallulahs, strippers, and Europe could see a massive revival in striptease and ‘sex dancing’ without the sex. Even apparently bad news can have unexpected good consequences—a huge flowering of strip clubs in great orchid fronds. But let us say you take a dancer or one of these Munich cellar bar girls to a separée for a private dance or private drink, and she lets you have a hand job or a blow job, that is not sex as such, so would that be against the law as well? Back in 2003 and 2004 one could find this kind of pleasurable enjoyment even in the bars and strip clubs of Munich, but already when I returned after a long absence in 2010 even this had become strictly verboten. What will they ban next? Having sex with anyone other than your wife? Will monogamy be compulsory? Will masturbation at a peep show or a video kabin or an adult cinema be outlawed as well? Already these places are dying out due to market forces and the dull hand of the internet—people can ‘drain their swamp’ without ever leaving home these days; but there are some of us who still like to force ourselves out to look for the ice and the mountains, for the glory of the sex kino, and the adult cinema, to sit in a room full of men all with their huge swollen cocks out in the glow of the screen, and the peep show, and the videokabins, and the wonderful florid & lurid women of the go go bars, and the puffs, and the tingel tangels, the bordellos and the night bars! But they are dying out one by one, so fast.


As you can see I am obsessed with those nights I spent in Vienna, Berlin and Munich

January 2, 2017 § Leave a comment

As you can see, I am obsessed with those nights I spent in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. It is like I am still living in them. I go back to experience them again but am disappointed. Those places have gone and I have changed too. The ice has retreated across Europe but the ice has retreated inside my heart, inside my soul, as well. Love is in my life now, and that has melted my great glaciers, my icy peaks, my icecaps. Now my rivers are starting to flow and surge, my empty valley beds are filling again, and my land is becoming green and lush, like Madeira. Yet still I keep thinking about those nights in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. I go back out of nostalgia, to see if there is anything at all of the old erotic breathless excitement I can squeeze out of them like a sponge. A few cold drops is all.

The Menzelstraße peepshow was miserable

December 30, 2016 § Leave a comment

The Menzelstraße peepshow was miserable, but next to it was a shoe shop which had so many boots which I thought —– would like, and that is what I am excited about returning to. Doesn’t that show how I am changing? I get more pleasure out of doing something that might make —– pleased than anything else; than any of my old delights. I remember in February 2005 when I went to Vienna in thick snow, and I walked down the Gurtel from top to bottom, and there were so many places to go into (all rubbish but still), one after the other, till I finally settled in Pour Platin and Maria. But now, have they all gone? It seems like. It really does. Or maybe I am not going far enough up. This is how the ice retreats, until there is almost none left.

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