I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point. I have to be helped to create, that is to function better as a writer, be more productive as a writer, because that is what I am, but I’m being prevented from being it by my conflicts and feeling of falling.

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing, I never felt safe. Now that I have come to some permanent solutions, I need support in implementing them; I want to become more productive and function better. I’m starting to feel safer now, the lean is fixed steadily in its place I want it to be. —– is part of the permanent solution. To keep me feeling safe, to enable me to write.

So we ended our 16 weeks still disagreeing about what to do next but she had saved the tower for the time being

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

So we ended our 16 weeks still disagreeing about what to do next, but she had saved the tower for the time being, and subsequently I was able to put some permanent solutions into place, but then I needed some help with them, that’s what —– is. Just to finish the job of making the repair permanent, and make the tower lean safely forever.

What interests me about myself is the dangerous lean in me so you have to very carefully prop me up so I’m safely leaning forever

July 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

What interests me about myself is the dangerous lean in me, so you have to very carefully prop me up so I’m safely leaning forever. The bit of madness in me is what makes my life worth living.

I don’t want you to send me crashing to the ground and build a new one because the new one would have an interest of 0%

July 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

I don’t want you to send me crashing to the ground and build a new one, because the new one would have an interest of 0% when the old precarious one has an interest value of 100%. Make it safe forever so it can be one of the wonders of the world forever; it must still lean, because it wouldn’t have any interest if it didn’t lean.

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I think she should have helped me come to terms with who I am, not made me ashamed for being who I am

July 26, 2017 § Leave a comment

I think she should have helped me come to terms with who I am, not made me ashamed for being who I am. I get that off of everybody else. You help people accept something that they don’t like about themselves, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa saying quick, this is an emergency, I really need you now, and Sarah came up and says all right then, and gives it that last shove to send it crashing to the ground; I want some temporary support to right myself a bit. Prop me up once and for all, so I’d be safe forever. The tower is one of the wonders of the world; so am I.

My problem with psychotherapy was I felt she was asking me to be someone who was not fully my true self

August 28, 2016 § Leave a comment

My problem with psychotherapy was I felt she was asking me to be someone who was not fully my true self, but to live in some corset; and sometimes I think this affair is the same. I feel a constant frustration that I cannot be fully myself every day, and that breeds a low level resentment which is quite damaging to romance, or lust. “After two decades obscured by scaffolding, the Leaning Tower of Pisa basks in its full quirky glory”. I wanted Sarah to help me bask in my quirky glory; instead she wanted to knock me down and build a new tower, just like everyone else’s. I don’t feel I can bask in my full quirky glory now either. Perhaps I can only ever be alone. To be happy I have to be unhappy?

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