I feel a turning point has been reached this very night, this very moment. I feel an overwhelming desire to go on holiday with —–

January 19, 2017 § Leave a comment

I feel a turning point has been reached this very night, this very moment. I feel an overwhelming desire to go on holiday with —–, lots of holidays. Madeira was my happiest memory in life. This is the state of grace I want to live in. Now I want to fill my time with Alban Berg, Anton Webern, Arnold Schoenberg, with ferns, ferns, ferns all around me, French Windows open to the hot summer blue skies and butterflies and bumblebees chasing each other in and out, until I can get back to white beaches and clear blue seas with —–. “Heady nights of mostly late romantic music”, sultry days in London pubs sheltering from the thunder & lightning, and the torrential summer downpours, as day turns into night in the lashing winds, and buses and Charing Cross Road bookshops glow bright yellow in the Stygian gloom as the afternoon storm rages. Writing my book, and loving —–. Spending Winters heading somewhere hot. Watching her in the underground jacuzzi as Cocteau watches Francine and Doudou painting. “Last night, lying in the studio, I was watching Francine and Doudou painting, and I reflected: ‘How cowardly of you to dare to complain! Here are the two human beings you love most. Nothing happens to be in their minds besides their work and their hope of pleasing you. Francine enjoys herself so seriously, so carefully. Doudou performs wonders without attaching any more importance to them than Francine to what she does.’ Sometimes I get up and go over to my desk, to correct mistakes that occur to me. Sailboats pass out at sea. These are priceless moments. A calm which many scorn because they do not possess it. A piece of good fortune I shall doubtless have to pay for. Consider my crises as a tax on that fortune.”

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As you can see I am obsessed with those nights I spent in Vienna, Berlin and Munich

January 2, 2017 § Leave a comment

As you can see, I am obsessed with those nights I spent in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. It is like I am still living in them. I go back to experience them again but am disappointed. Those places have gone and I have changed too. The ice has retreated across Europe but the ice has retreated inside my heart, inside my soul, as well. Love is in my life now, and that has melted my great glaciers, my icy peaks, my icecaps. Now my rivers are starting to flow and surge, my empty valley beds are filling again, and my land is becoming green and lush, like Madeira. Yet still I keep thinking about those nights in Vienna, Berlin and Munich. I go back out of nostalgia, to see if there is anything at all of the old erotic breathless excitement I can squeeze out of them like a sponge. A few cold drops is all.

Not only did the Esmeraldas of Vienna throw themselves at me like moths bashing their brains out against a lighthouse

January 2, 2017 § Leave a comment

Not only did the Esmeraldas of Vienna throw themselves at me like moths bashing their brains out against a lighthouse, me completely unmoved by their erotic blandishments, but on the other side of the coin I threw myself at Vienna like a moth bashing my brains out against the lighthouse. I navigate by the light of the moon, and my moons are Berlin, Munich and Brussels (no longer Vienna, I think). Anyway whether Vienna was a failed visit or not, travelling has brought me back to life again. My mind is working again, my great rivers are flowing again and threatening to flood their banks! My pulsing, surging torrents, my Niles, my Rhines, my Mississippis are irrigating my long dried up lands! Dry valleys and riverbeds are flowing with water once more! Everything is starting to be dark green and lush again, like Madeira! Storm-tossed, storm-lashed, dark green Madeira! Where I think me and -—- had our best moments! When I am exiled like Napoleon I want to be exiled and imprisoned on Madeira.

Stranded in Madeira. The fear has become a reality. Trapped in this tropical island paradise

June 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

Stranded in Madeira. The fear has become a reality. Trapped in this tropical island paradise for a further 48 hours. The highlights of the trip for me have been the daily bus rides into Funchal to buy my Guardian newspaper and returning to go through it. I fell in love with my wife for her sheer staggering beauty. I am a scopophiliac and an erotomane.

Stranded in Madeira for two days because of snow in London we were now facing being stranded by even longer by gale force winds closing Madeira airport

June 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

Stranded in Madeira for two days because of snow in London, we were now facing being stranded by even longer by gale force winds closing Madeira airport. The perils of travelling to a hot country in winter season. We have both had enough of the island, as beautifully green and breastal as it is, and are anxious to leave. “Of course, my horse”. I believe I can fly she sang on our first day. I believe I can touch the sky. How we fervently wish we could.

They had to turn the steam room and the Turkish bath on just for my wife when she asked them at 3 o’clock as no one else had wanted to use them

June 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

They had to turn the steam room and the Turkish bath on just for my wife when she asked them at 3 o’clock as no one else had wanted to use them. The sides of the indoor pool were similarly bone dry as if no one had set foot there all day. The hotel seemed suddenly deserted, the joys of travelling to hot countries in winter season. (The blog must aspire to the condition of a Viennese coffee house) (A Die Fackel). “You are an incredible beast of a man”.
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The airport we are due to fly back to tomorrow has been closed for the past two days due to snow

June 4, 2016 § Leave a comment

The airport we are due to fly back to tomorrow has been closed for the past two days due to snow and will not reopen till 6am in the morning at the very least. We fear being trapped at Madeira airport like The VIPs. She Elizabeth Taylor me Richard Burton, as ever. On the day he died he wrote her a letter asking her to come back to him, which she keeps by her bedside to this very day. Their true life romance seems more epic than the parts they played. All For Love, or A World Well Lost.
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