All that matters is my bleak books written in blood with blue hands in cold stoveless rooms around Europe

December 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

All that matters is my bleak books, written in blood, with blue hands in cold stoveless rooms around Europe. My studies in solipsism, the visceral pleasure in detachment of an autistic person. Autismus. Lotta & Sophia. The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains. Casanova. I have moved beyond —–, & Olga, and am free of them. Now the travelling starts again. To write my books in Brussels, Berlin, Munich and Vienna.

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My fourth book of travel journals THE MORNING AFTER (2005) now available in Paperback and Kindle

November 23, 2017 § Leave a comment

MORNING

All that matters is the books, the long journeys across Europe

November 14, 2017 § Leave a comment

All that matters is the books, the long journeys across Europe. Writing alone with blue hands in cold stoveless rooms.
Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily. In fact you cannot have one without the other. Berlin Eroticism is different again, as is Munich Eroticism, and Brussels Eroticism. I will always remember Maria in Pour Platin. I will always remember arriving in Vienna at 11pm in the snow. Saybia, Mando Diao,The Libertines, Chemical Brothers, Soulwax.
I am sure Lilith knows I am there from the moment I connect to her room. A look always comes over her face, and is it my imagination but does she always start readjusting her camera, just to give an excuse to look directly into the lens? The moment I logged in under —- I am sure I saw her face freeze, as if suddenly desperate not to betray any emotion, but I am sure her heart started beating faster, because she started breathing deeper and faster.

I distil all my experiences of being a Kaspar Hauser, a Will Penny, a Noodles, a Consul, a Stephane

November 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

I distil all my experiences of being a Kaspar Hauser, a Will Penny, a Noodles, a Consul, a Stephane, a Peter Sellers, a Kenneth Williams, a Marilyn Monroe, a Greta Garbo, a Edvard Munch, a Franz Kafka, a Peter Pan, a lost boy who cannot love, into my books:-Autismus, Lotta & Sophia, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains, and Casanova: The Lost Wanderings.

That is what I want to do. I want to pack my writing and build it around places & symbols of great personal meaning impenetrable to anyone but myself

November 7, 2017 § Leave a comment

That is what I want to do. I want to pack my writing, and build it around, places & symbols of great personal meaning, impenetrable to anyone but myself, or someone who in the future might read my diaries & painstakingly be able to unpick all my codes. Berg packed his scores with personal codes to people he loved. That is what I want to do, too. After AUTISMUS, and LOTTA, I think THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS must mark the end of that style of writing. I need to find a new voice with CASANOVA [LOST WANDERINGS]. Perhaps scrapping it altogether, or merging it into the preceding book, to enable to build something quite new, perhaps around —–, the Butterfly House in Vienna, Brazilian flags in Whitehall, Soho, etc.

I find it amazing to look back at my writing from Autismus and Lotta and think that this dates from a time BEFORE I started going regularly to the Flying Scotsman

November 7, 2017 § Leave a comment

I find it amazing to look back at my writing from Autismus and Lotta, and think that this dates from a time BEFORE I started going regularly to the Flying Scotsman. The Flying Scotsman is an adventure and an experiment by me—it is a game I am playing, in order to study the results. I record the results in my observation station. I would love to get turned on enough tonight in the cinema to be able to go to Pamela & feel something for the first time. The Scotsman is my life support, it is my dialysis machine. To a lesser extent Sunset, too. Wouldn’t it be lovely to see Melanie, and Elektra, and Foxy tonight? Only if the Scotsman is no good & I leave after only two pints. Just two & a half hours to go! Can I finally try Oscars & Abcat tonight? I don’t want to do anything but drink & go to strippers & write.

THE ONLY WAY TO BEHAVE WHEN ATTACKED IS WITH MORE DEFIANCE! LIVE MORE WILDLY! DO WORSE!

November 7, 2017 § Leave a comment

THE ONLY WAY TO BEHAVE WHEN ATTACKED IS WITH MORE DEFIANCE! LIVE MORE WILDLY! DO WORSE! PROVOKE & PROVOKE THEM EVEN MORE! FLAUNT YOURSELF IN THEIR FACES! I AM FRANCIS BACON! I AM WEDEKIND! I AM KASPAR HAUSER! I AM AUTISMUS. I AM LOTTA. I AM THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS. I AM WALKING THROUGH THE ISHTAR GATE. I AM SEEING ELENA PROKINA IN EUGENE ONEGIN. I AM SEEING VIKTOR MÜLLER’S SALOME. I AM SEEING ADOLPH MENZEL’S BAROQUE ALTARS. menzel

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