Every time I run away I’m running deeper into my cracks, deeper into examining myself and researching myself

October 13, 2017 § Leave a comment

Every time I run away, I’m running deeper into my cracks, deeper into examining myself and researching myself, and this is the most rewarding thing in the history of my entire life: this is the FIRST rewarding thing in the history of my entire life.
Advertisements

I can’t keep papering over the cracks: everything you say makes me feel that is what you want. I want to live IN the cracks

October 13, 2017 § Leave a comment

I can’t keep papering over the cracks: everything you say makes me feel that is what you want. I want to live IN the cracks, like the black smokers at the bottom of the oceans. Everything is geared to turning me around, whereas I want someone to share with me that I cannot be turned around, people like me cannot be turned around, all they can do is keep writing on the edge of the abyss, like Philip O’Connor.

I wanted it to be an open discussion with nothing ruled in and nothing ruled out. Just to talk amidst the destruction and see what naturally emerged

October 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

I wanted it to be an open discussion, with nothing ruled in and nothing ruled out. Just to talk amidst the destruction and see what naturally emerged. Let the river take its natural course. But I felt she was dictating the course too much, she was trying to shunt this river down one particular siding, to mix metaphors, a siding which denied my rich imagination, my rich inner world. She was trying to influence the outcome too much, she was loading the dice, and that bothered me: I wanted to talk to someone and thereby come to a solution myself. It was too directed.

You think I should change to fit in with your dogma when surely your dogma should change to encompass my extremes?

September 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

You think I should change to fit in with your dogma, when surely your dogma should change to encompass my extremes?

I’m too interested in the archaeology of my own brain, being a 1930s Indiana Jones of the mind

August 5, 2017 § Leave a comment

I’m too interested in the archaeology of my own brain, being a 1930s Indiana Jones of the mind. I’m too thrilled by the infinity of self-analysis opening up in front of me; I felt the group was wasting my time so much it made me want to scream; like sitting at my desk in work makes me want to scream: this is taking me in completely the opposite direction from the one in which I need to go.

I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I needed Sarah’s help to keep me leaning at a precarious angle without falling, not to put me straight; that is missing the point. I have to be helped to create, that is to function better as a writer, be more productive as a writer, because that is what I am, but I’m being prevented from being it by my conflicts and feeling of falling.

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing

July 27, 2017 § Leave a comment

I haven’t been able to do anything all these years because of fears about the tower collapsing, I never felt safe. Now that I have come to some permanent solutions, I need support in implementing them; I want to become more productive and function better. I’m starting to feel safer now, the lean is fixed steadily in its place I want it to be. —– is part of the permanent solution. To keep me feeling safe, to enable me to write.

Where Am I?

You are currently browsing entries tagged with psychotherapy at Therapy.