All that matters is the books, the long journeys across Europe

November 14, 2017 § Leave a comment

All that matters is the books, the long journeys across Europe. Writing alone with blue hands in cold stoveless rooms.
Viennese Eroticism and psychotherapy fit together very easily. In fact you cannot have one without the other. Berlin Eroticism is different again, as is Munich Eroticism, and Brussels Eroticism. I will always remember Maria in Pour Platin. I will always remember arriving in Vienna at 11pm in the snow. Saybia, Mando Diao,The Libertines, Chemical Brothers, Soulwax.
I am sure Lilith knows I am there from the moment I connect to her room. A look always comes over her face, and is it my imagination but does she always start readjusting her camera, just to give an excuse to look directly into the lens? The moment I logged in under —- I am sure I saw her face freeze, as if suddenly desperate not to betray any emotion, but I am sure her heart started beating faster, because she started breathing deeper and faster.
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I regret giving away so much of self in psychotherapy but I needed it as a crutch at the time

November 11, 2017 § Leave a comment

I regret giving away so much of self in psychotherapy, but I needed it as a crutch at the time. Even though I eventually rejected it, and reacted against it, and kicked the crutch away, I would never have got through those dark days without it. I argued against it and in arguing against it I found myself—so from that point of view, in rejecting psychotherapy I found my path to recovery—so can I say psychotherapy failed or succeeded?!

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