I can’t do anything worthwhile till I’m in my 30s anyway in decadent Berlin with floozies in brothels

July 14, 2017 § Leave a comment

I can’t do anything worthwhile till I’m in my 30s anyway, in decadent Berlin, with floozies in brothels, my face is too young, so might as well make use of this pleasant waiting time to write my books telling my story up to now, reappraising, just typing up the backlog. This is like the timeless woman-filled warm paradise of 1 to 4 years old. This is the best time of my life. I can see now my life hasn’t even begun, nor should it till my late 30s. This is the warm paradise before the real action begins, and I arrive in Berlin of Europa Europa, Rosa Luxemburg floozies. Floozies are good! Wedekind, Toulouse-Lautrec, with flamboyant Mephistophelian luxurious swagger. It’s what you think about things, not the situation itself. It’s all positive interpretation. I’m very fortunate, writers get better, they don’t even start till their 40s. This is the delirious warm paradise before my real life begins! Filled with warm girls, floozies, sex-dancers, at Babushka, Shang-hai and Maxim’s! Even at the Post Office that was part of warm paradise.

grosz-g-8-sm

Wedekind loved bordellos; why shouldn’t I?

July 14, 2017 § Leave a comment

Wedekind loved bordellos; why shouldn’t I?

I do think there is something sexy in illness, in disease, in fever

January 16, 2017 § Leave a comment

I do think there is something sexy in illness, in disease, in fever. When your body is mired in swamp-like, creepy crawly things, and you cannot go out, when your libido is brought to a halt, then your erotic wells start to fill up and you crave release and erotic abandon again. The same way despair is essential for erotic excitement, disease and fever serves the same purpose. I am a great advocate for despair! A great advocate for disease! A great advocate for fever! The cheapest, most tawdry, and awful sexual experiences of my life are the ones I never forget, and the ones I yearn to experience again. The more awful it was, the more I seem to crave it.

I want my desires to be like Dirk Bogarde’s in Death in Venice; aching, yearning, quivering, shaking with repressed longings, lusts

January 9, 2017 § Leave a comment

I want my desires to be like Dirk Bogarde’s in Death in Venice; aching, yearning, quivering, shaking with repressed longings, lusts; to want something so much but to be so afraid of the shame that you will bring on yourself if you did it and got “caught”; when you no longer fear getting caught, when there is no sense of the forbidden, the verboten, the taboo, all the point goes out of it. I want to wander again the diseased, bleach-drenched streets of Venice [Nuremberg, Munich, Berlin, Vienna, Brussels], bent double with desire for something that I know I can never have, a flower I can never pluck; or can I? why can’t I?! I can do what I want, and to hell with the consequences! To hell with society’s damnation! We are in hell when we live in accordance with what other people want us to do, and let ourselves be frightened of what other people think of us! To hell with restraints! Embrace relaxes! I want to be bleeding for someone again, to leave so much blood on the tracks of those European cities, their tram tracks; I want to be under such pressure that my nose drips with blood onto the pages of my moleskine notebook as I am writing of my desires with cold blue hands in cold stoveless rooms like Nietzsche. I want more cold! I want more ice! I want more darkness! I want more loneliness! So then I can experience those highs in the low places again! So I can experience that smutty smutty glory, in the dirty sleazy places. To become infected again, worse than before; I can understand how men actually want to fuck without condoms, to risk their own death as that is the only way they can carry on getting the high they need. I can understand how Nietzsche caught syphilis, how Cesare Borgia caught syphilis, how Gustav von Aschenbach caught syphilis. My last experiences with Soho whores were such cheap, unbelievably tawdry and awful experiences, but I got turned on just thinking about them! The girls could barely look at me by the end such was their scorn and disgust; but I don’t care; I love it. It is the very wretchedness of the experience that provides me with the glory I need.

viscdeathtorment

The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me, like so many Hanging Gardens of Babylon, representing for me the battle between purity and corruption

January 4, 2017 § Leave a comment

The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me, like so many Hanging Gardens of Babylon, representing for me the battle between purity and corruption—i.e. the purity of the man who acknowledges his sexual urges and admits the pleasures he finds in releasing them with beautiful florid & lurid young women of the Tingel Tangels and the bordellos, versus the corruption of those mean, vicious, jealous members of society who try to destroy the man for his honesty—will come to have a greater significance than ever before. How many beautiful, honest, handsome gentlemen will find themselves brought before a Judge and made a criminal, made a pariah, made an Oscar Wildean figure of shame to be spat at by all and sundry on railway station platforms or in the street. All because he hadn’t had sex for a long while and really really needed it!

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone?

January 4, 2017 § Leave a comment

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone? That release valve is gone. That safe and pleasurable means of draining the swamp is gone. What crazed, frustrated fiends would be left roaming the streets then! Gone, the nice warm relief of sinking into a hot bath on a cold day that the Esmeralda represents. Gone the consequent relaxation and calmness, and ability to then concentrate on other more useful and important things. What will the Puritans unleash upon Europe. What will they do to men’s minds. An ugly or poor or infirm man unable to attract a beautiful woman, what for him then? A lifetime of sexlessness? Unable to release his urges safely with an Esmeralda, what other paths might these urges be forced to divert into? I think not more creative, but more destructive. Whores provide a vital function, and that is why we respect and revere them so much.

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives

January 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives. When I first set foot on the ice in 1992, I had no idea that so much of the ice I could see all around me would be gone in a few short years. We polar explorers and mountaineers have been pushed further and further to the edge of the continent, like woolly mammoths, and if Europe does become a ‘society without prostitution’ then we will finally be pushed off the cliff, and our time will be over. We are the last of a dying breed. Yet, yes, the great Esmeraldas of Vienna and Berlin (Hamburg and Amsterdam, where I have never been), will instead move to the ‘cellar bars’ one finds in Munich, tempting men with expensive fake champagne and nothing more, and if that is all that is on offer, men will spend all their money on that. They may become Tallulahs, strippers, and Europe could see a massive revival in striptease and ‘sex dancing’ without the sex. Even apparently bad news can have unexpected good consequences—a huge flowering of strip clubs in great orchid fronds. But let us say you take a dancer or one of these Munich cellar bar girls to a separée for a private dance or private drink, and she lets you have a hand job or a blow job, that is not sex as such, so would that be against the law as well? Back in 2003 and 2004 one could find this kind of pleasurable enjoyment even in the bars and strip clubs of Munich, but already when I returned after a long absence in 2010 even this had become strictly verboten. What will they ban next? Having sex with anyone other than your wife? Will monogamy be compulsory? Will masturbation at a peep show or a video kabin or an adult cinema be outlawed as well? Already these places are dying out due to market forces and the dull hand of the internet—people can ‘drain their swamp’ without ever leaving home these days; but there are some of us who still like to force ourselves out to look for the ice and the mountains, for the glory of the sex kino, and the adult cinema, to sit in a room full of men all with their huge swollen cocks out in the glow of the screen, and the peep show, and the videokabins, and the wonderful florid & lurid women of the go go bars, and the puffs, and the tingel tangels, the bordellos and the night bars! But they are dying out one by one, so fast.

nolan

Where Am I?

You are currently browsing entries tagged with sex at Therapy.