I do think there is something sexy in illness, in disease, in fever

January 16, 2017 § Leave a comment

I do think there is something sexy in illness, in disease, in fever. When your body is mired in swamp-like, creepy crawly things, and you cannot go out, when your libido is brought to a halt, then your erotic wells start to fill up and you crave release and erotic abandon again. The same way despair is essential for erotic excitement, disease and fever serves the same purpose. I am a great advocate for despair! A great advocate for disease! A great advocate for fever! The cheapest, most tawdry, and awful sexual experiences of my life are the ones I never forget, and the ones I yearn to experience again. The more awful it was, the more I seem to crave it.

I want my desires to be like Dirk Bogarde’s in Death in Venice; aching, yearning, quivering, shaking with repressed longings, lusts

January 9, 2017 § Leave a comment

I want my desires to be like Dirk Bogarde’s in Death in Venice; aching, yearning, quivering, shaking with repressed longings, lusts; to want something so much but to be so afraid of the shame that you will bring on yourself if you did it and got “caught”; when you no longer fear getting caught, when there is no sense of the forbidden, the verboten, the taboo, all the point goes out of it. I want to wander again the diseased, bleach-drenched streets of Venice [Nuremberg, Munich, Berlin, Vienna, Brussels], bent double with desire for something that I know I can never have, a flower I can never pluck; or can I? why can’t I?! I can do what I want, and to hell with the consequences! To hell with society’s damnation! We are in hell when we live in accordance with what other people want us to do, and let ourselves be frightened of what other people think of us! To hell with restraints! Embrace relaxes! I want to be bleeding for someone again, to leave so much blood on the tracks of those European cities, their tram tracks; I want to be under such pressure that my nose drips with blood onto the pages of my moleskine notebook as I am writing of my desires with cold blue hands in cold stoveless rooms like Nietzsche. I want more cold! I want more ice! I want more darkness! I want more loneliness! So then I can experience those highs in the low places again! So I can experience that smutty smutty glory, in the dirty sleazy places. To become infected again, worse than before; I can understand how men actually want to fuck without condoms, to risk their own death as that is the only way they can carry on getting the high they need. I can understand how Nietzsche caught syphilis, how Cesare Borgia caught syphilis, how Gustav von Aschenbach caught syphilis. My last experiences with Soho whores were such cheap, unbelievably tawdry and awful experiences, but I got turned on just thinking about them! The girls could barely look at me by the end such was their scorn and disgust; but I don’t care; I love it. It is the very wretchedness of the experience that provides me with the glory I need.

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The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me, like so many Hanging Gardens of Babylon, representing for me the battle between purity and corruption

January 4, 2017 § Leave a comment

The great Justice Palaces of Europe that have always meant so much to me, like so many Hanging Gardens of Babylon, representing for me the battle between purity and corruption—i.e. the purity of the man who acknowledges his sexual urges and admits the pleasures he finds in releasing them with beautiful florid & lurid young women of the Tingel Tangels and the bordellos, versus the corruption of those mean, vicious, jealous members of society who try to destroy the man for his honesty—will come to have a greater significance than ever before. How many beautiful, honest, handsome gentlemen will find themselves brought before a Judge and made a criminal, made a pariah, made an Oscar Wildean figure of shame to be spat at by all and sundry on railway station platforms or in the street. All because he hadn’t had sex for a long while and really really needed it!

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone?

January 4, 2017 § Leave a comment

Esmeraldas have always been an outlet for men’s urges and what will they do if they are gone? That release valve is gone. That safe and pleasurable means of draining the swamp is gone. What crazed, frustrated fiends would be left roaming the streets then! Gone, the nice warm relief of sinking into a hot bath on a cold day that the Esmeralda represents. Gone the consequent relaxation and calmness, and ability to then concentrate on other more useful and important things. What will the Puritans unleash upon Europe. What will they do to men’s minds. An ugly or poor or infirm man unable to attract a beautiful woman, what for him then? A lifetime of sexlessness? Unable to release his urges safely with an Esmeralda, what other paths might these urges be forced to divert into? I think not more creative, but more destructive. Whores provide a vital function, and that is why we respect and revere them so much.

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives

January 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

The ice has been been retreating, well, for all our lives. When I first set foot on the ice in 1992, I had no idea that so much of the ice I could see all around me would be gone in a few short years. We polar explorers and mountaineers have been pushed further and further to the edge of the continent, like woolly mammoths, and if Europe does become a ‘society without prostitution’ then we will finally be pushed off the cliff, and our time will be over. We are the last of a dying breed. Yet, yes, the great Esmeraldas of Vienna and Berlin (Hamburg and Amsterdam, where I have never been), will instead move to the ‘cellar bars’ one finds in Munich, tempting men with expensive fake champagne and nothing more, and if that is all that is on offer, men will spend all their money on that. They may become Tallulahs, strippers, and Europe could see a massive revival in striptease and ‘sex dancing’ without the sex. Even apparently bad news can have unexpected good consequences—a huge flowering of strip clubs in great orchid fronds. But let us say you take a dancer or one of these Munich cellar bar girls to a separée for a private dance or private drink, and she lets you have a hand job or a blow job, that is not sex as such, so would that be against the law as well? Back in 2003 and 2004 one could find this kind of pleasurable enjoyment even in the bars and strip clubs of Munich, but already when I returned after a long absence in 2010 even this had become strictly verboten. What will they ban next? Having sex with anyone other than your wife? Will monogamy be compulsory? Will masturbation at a peep show or a video kabin or an adult cinema be outlawed as well? Already these places are dying out due to market forces and the dull hand of the internet—people can ‘drain their swamp’ without ever leaving home these days; but there are some of us who still like to force ourselves out to look for the ice and the mountains, for the glory of the sex kino, and the adult cinema, to sit in a room full of men all with their huge swollen cocks out in the glow of the screen, and the peep show, and the videokabins, and the wonderful florid & lurid women of the go go bars, and the puffs, and the tingel tangels, the bordellos and the night bars! But they are dying out one by one, so fast.

nolan

We are really heading towards the cliff now. The Government will next year be pressed to make prostitution illegal in England

January 3, 2017 § Leave a comment

We are really heading towards the cliff now. The Government will next year be pressed to make prostitution illegal in England i.e. the man buying the sex will be the one breaking the law, as it is in Sweden and Norway already, and the French Minister for Women is bidding to outlaw prostitution in the whole of Europe. The great Justice Ministrys of Europe will take on a whole new significance. The Bourses and Central Banks will become irrelevant. Can one imagine a Europe without whores? without Esmeraldas? It is part of our culture, such a huge part of our literature, our arts. So many of our greatest artists, painters, composers, writers, throughout European history have depended on whores. Can one imagine an Amsterdam, a Hamburg, a Vienna, a Berlin without whores? Well, I suppose one can—they will just become like Munich. Like Schillerstraße, a street full of neon lights, cellar bars, where you go and sit with lurid and florid young women in a state of some undress, buy them ruinously expensive fake champagne, and then that is it, stumble back to your hotel disappointed and frustrated as there is nothing else on offer. And yet all those bars in Munich survive and thrive (despite the retreating of the ice everywhere else) precisely because there is nothing else on offer. If it is all you can get then it is what you have to make do with. It may even see a revival of striptease, Berlin and Vienna could finally get some old-fashioned strip clubs, like the Atlantic City in Munich.

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The hole in the Gurtel where Pour Platin used to be (site of my lost Vienna virginity)

December 29, 2016 § Leave a comment

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