I AM THE MARQUIS DE SADE; I LIKE THINGS SADISTIC-MASOCHISTIC (31st Jan 1999)

I AM THE MARQUIS DE SADE; I LIKE THINGS SADISTIC-MASOCHISTIC. LIKE NIETZSCHE SAYS, ENMITY IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE.

Every word they say reminds me of the complete DIONYSIAN abandonment of my life. And the moribundness of theirs (28th Jan 1999)

Every word they say reminds me of the complete DIONYSIAN abandonment of my life. And the moribundness of theirs. I am proud of my dissolute sybarite life. PRIAPISM, my religion. Soho is my home, my natural environment, where I feel most at ease, most relaxed, most myself. The mischievous excitement the thought of going to Sunset on Tuesday gives me. The triumph of the spirit.
I ride on the crest of a wave, back to Victoria Station. I have moved beyond their world now, I have stepped over that line permanently now, absolutely. I can do everything I want now. They’ve expelled me from their world (!) so I am completely free to do everything I want more than ever. I pity them, the poor stupid people, who deny themselves the pleasures of the senses. When I think of the sensual pleasures my priapic life has given me.
Yes, I have lost myself in PRIAPIC FRENZY, in ORGIES lasting six hours or more. They constitute some of my proudest moments. They are what give me greater strength, just to remember, to dip in. They are part of my huge reserve now, which I can inject into my blood at will.
I love the sleazy excitement of going into Soho, the RISK. So my flaw is: I’m KINKY. I believe in PRIAPIC FRENZIES. I am like Oscar Wilde, I can’t stay away from the West End rent boys. I am UNASHAMEDLY KINKY. I live my own life without any thought for anybody else’s opinion. If you’ve got tastes, there’s always somewhere you can go to fulfil them.

 

I feel a sense of wonder at how much I enjoy my life (27th Jan 1999)

I feel a sense of wonder at how much I enjoy my life. All it needs is a moment’s thought, and I’m ready for Soho again. It is INTOXICATING. It is sweet air. Every attack reminds me of the voluptuous bosoms. I do exactly what I want, happily, like F.G.Lorca. I am PRIAPIC. I want to be PRIAPIC. That is my religion. I live in Rome, and Troy, and Greece, and Seeds of the Pope, not in their moral grey wilderness. I live in DIONYSIAN STATES. The poisoners. The pleasure-seekers. Anti-life vs pro-life. People admire me for breaking the taboos, for stepping over the line and living my life quite deliberately in that place. I prefer to live my life there. Egon Schiele nights. Pure PRIAPISM. I am DIONYSIAN. I recognise no bounds. PRIAPISM is my religion, and the more people I can shock with it, the further I can spread my religion among my fellow men and women, the better. The more stimulating. I live my life to a line of PLEASURE. I confront you with my PRIAPISM, and what are you going to do about it?

To have hostility against you is the strong way (25th Jan 1999)

To have hostility against you is the strong way. To live in polite sociability is soft, and weak. Stunted people resent tall beautiful noble people, that is life.
Two of my greatest heroines, Nana and Lulu, are sexually rampant. They shock people by the way they flaunt their sex. His insolent display of luxury. He wanted all of them to worship his sovereign nudity.
This is what he wanted—their hostility out in the open. Now he could get the INTOXICATION he needed. The RAUSCH. He needed to put himself beyond everything. This was the clearest way he could show his contempt for everybody—and indulge PLEASURE. Taunt them. Tease them. FLAUNT. FLAUNT. I want the chance to flaunt and worship my sovereign nudity, and they are giving me the chance.

I GET A KICK OUT OF BEING AGAINST EVERYONE (23rd Jan 1999)

I GET A KICK OUT OF BEING AGAINST EVERYONE; THAT IS WHERE I GET MY ‘HIGH’ FROM.
“Follow the road to inner harmony: A person with an ‘autotelic’ self is someone who is good at translating potential threats into enjoyable challenges. In so doing, he or she is able to maintain inner harmony, and so is never bored, seldom anxious, and spends most waking hours experiencing flow.”
“She has faced pain and continues to feel tension, but rather than fearing these states, she sees them as integral to her work and has come to value them. As creators grow older—Sergeant is 37—they become increasingly immersed in their own world and work.”
“I have written about the Faustian bargain creative people forge, where they will sacrifice almost everything, including personal relationships, if only they are free to continue unblocked with their work.”
“She throws in a little pearl of wisdom which could still yet rescue thousands of flagging careers: ‘You’ve got to be able to handle shame and humiliation,’ she says quietly, ‘and not just privately but publicly. It’s the most dreadful experience but unless you can claim it and own it, you will carry on presenting a false front and that ultimately will cut you off from your sensitivity as an artist.’”

He loved his Soho life (22nd Jan 1999)

He loved his Soho life. It was good because they were revealed in their true colours. Just think about the pleasure. They are so sore at the pleasures I am getting away with. Bother them with my wild and debauched life. You carry your beauty around with you, like a tent. Pitch it wherever you stop, and make your home inside it. The brazenness of me.
The more pressure that is put on, the deeper & deeper I go, the more & more riches I discover, and exploit. Show what indulging your pleasures gives you is reward.
He was pure ink on the page. He had black ink in his veins.
The extent to which people felt inferior to him: now it was all coming out.

It turns me on for everyone to see I flaunt my impudent penis (21st Jan 1999)

It turns me on for everyone to see I flaunt my impudent penis.
I live in Nana, Second Empire Paris, depravity and corruption.
What have I got to worry about—I am indulging a gloriously dirty sex life, I am earning money in a job which lets me read and write all day long, my book is progressing.
I’m more intelligent than them, and I’m having a dirtier sex life than them. An unbearable tormenting combination. The risk gave his sex life its excitement.
“This was the period of her life when Nana lit up Paris with redoubled splendour. She rose higher than ever on the horizon of vice, dominating the city with her insolent display of luxury, and that contempt of money which made her openly squander fortunes. Her house had become a sort of glowing forge, where her continual desires burned fiercely and the slightest breath from her lips changed gold into fine ashes which the wind swept away every hour.”
“However, the bedroom was in any case only designed to serve as a setting for the bed, which was to be a dazzling marvel. Nana wanted a bed such as had never existed before, a throne, an altar, to which Paris would come in order to worship her sovereign nudity.”
I am an artist, I use people for my convenience. My sadism, and my masochism. How much am I vicious with my riches? How much do I provoke their enmity maliciously? They who seek to crush me only speed up my blooming & blossoming.
Life is just fun, to be enjoyed.

I just feel the suffusing beauty of being me (20th Jan 1999)

I just feel the suffusing beauty of being me. I just have to stand in front of the mirror to see my beauty. I’m horny as hell. What do I like doing? Reading and writing. That is exactly what I’m doing.
People with brains will always win. People who devote their lives to sensual pleasure will always win.
I prefer to think of all the pleasure I’m having. With that single devastating sentence I won every battle, in perpetuity, all the way down the line.
My “insolent display of luxury”, my desire for all of London to worship my sovereign nudity.

Perhaps I am less repressed than they are! (19th Jan 1999)

Perhaps I am less repressed than they are! That is their problem.

I can get turned on in any situation (18th Jan 1999)

“I can get turned on in any situation: I’m ready for Soho now. I live my life without ever worrying what other people think of me. I think that makes me the wise one, indulging all my titillating desires: how that infuriates them. It is my religion to do exactly what I want, no matter how it shocks people. The more it makes people want to single me out the more I want to do it, just to make my contempt for them even more clear, just to make my triumph over them even more clear: I am addicted to it: it stimulates my pleasures to greater heights than ever. I love my directness. The thing I love best about myself: I’m still horny as hell. I love the fact that my physiological response to being attacked, to people viciously, hysterically, DESPERATELY trying to destroy me, is Priapism; is to deperately need to fuck more than ever. My creed is to indulge my Eros whenever, wherever, I feel like it. Oh, how I love to flaunt it under their noses! This pressure, like a Bessemer furnace. They are giving me the MACHINERY to work my raw materials. I have my laboratory here at 28 Leicester Square just as Dr Jekyll did before me. I do this deliberately, so I can put myself alongside Lorca, and Oscar Wilde, and Van Gogh. I am playing a role. I AM STILL USING THEM. I take it as a great testament to me: I have the power to disturb people, I have the power to obsess people. My contempt for them is: I am flaunting it under their noses.”