I am BAD and WICKED. And am FLAUNTING IT (17th June 1999)

I am BAD and WICKED. And am FLAUNTING IT. With a black, shrewd, mischievous grin, flaunting my INSOLENT DISPLAY OF LUXURY. WORSHIP MY SOVEREIGN NUDITY. I am a revolutionary. You can’t win a revolution if no one notices you, or sees what you’re trying to do. Now the temperature has been turned up, they are suffering. From their repressed desires.

I AM WEDEKIND. That covers everything (16th June 1999)

I AM WEDEKIND. That covers everything. It covers my propounding of the theory of the free spirit to Adelaide. I am a SURREALIST REVOLUTIONARY. I like stirring people up.
What I want is private time to myself, a private citadel in a magic forest to write my stories in. That is what I have always wanted. I want to leave a record of my life, and my nature. I am WEDEKIND. I am STEERPIKE. I am a RECORDER. IT IS ALL GOOD FUN, ISN’T IT. PEOPLE ARE RESENTFUL OF FREE SPIRITS. BE MORE DISGUSTING. I DON’T REGRET WHAT I SAID WITH ADELAIDE; IT IS ALL TRUE. I LOVE MY WILDNESS WITH THE TWO WOMEN CUSTOMERS. MY DELICIOUS VICTORY IS IN HOW I GET EVERYONE OBSESSED WITH ME. NOTHING BOTHERS ME. EVERYTHING INSPIRES ME. I AM A RULE-BREAKER. The terrible nights I had on Monday & Tuesday, and how calm I feel tonight. The attention fills me with power. NOTHING BOTHERS ME, I’M JUST COLLECTING MATERIAL.

I AM AN ANARCHIST. I AM A TRISTAN TZARA REVOLUTIONARY. I AM A SITUATIONIST REVOLUTIONARY (15th June 1999)

I AM AN ANARCHIST. I AM A TRISTAN TZARA REVOLUTIONARY. I AM A SITUATIONIST REVOLUTIONARY. THAT INCLUDES THE WORLDS OF LOVE, DESIRE, PORNOGRAPHY, PROSTITUTION. BE FIRMLY THE BLACK SLICK-BACKED HAIRED F.G.LORCA, SHREWD MISCHIEVOUS DARK POET. VAN GOGH WAS ALWAYS A CHILD. ARTISTS ARE ALWAYS CHILDREN. MY SUCCESS IS IN MAKING THEM ALL THINK ABOUT ME. MY SUCCESS IS IN HOLDING SUCH A PIVOTAL POSITION IN THE CITADEL. My dream is to go somewhere cold and die. I am Jerzy K. It is the record of an autistic person’s journey through life; as long as it lasts. When you get close to someone lovely, you get so burned by the flame. THAT I AM PROFITING FROM THIS PERIOD OF MY LIFE. I AM F.G.LORCA.

I feel I’m under siege if people are attacking me and attacking me for something and I stop doing it. I need to go back and keep doing it (8th June 1999)

I feel I’m under siege if people are attacking me and attacking me for something and I stop doing it. I need to go back and keep doing it. That is how I get back at them. The polymorphous perversity of the Citadel! They are trying to make me convinced you cannot live a Toulouse-Lautrec life like that and survive, and I’m defeating them by insouciantly demonstrating I can. Insolently. I am a Tristan Tzara revolutionary for SOLIPSISM. I am an ANARCHIST! I want to be at the Citadel all the time. I want my bed to be there. I want my classical music playing all the time. BUDDHIST CONTENTMENT. I am a PROVOKER. I love to stir people up. To know people are thinking about ME.

I am a revolutionary but now I see the revolution lies in the effect I have on other people (28 March 1999)

I am a revolutionary, but now I see the revolution lies in the effect I have on other people, in standing up for the right to live autistically, as a different but perfectly valid and valuable way of living. I deliciously, very proudly relish this fight. The revolution lies in the brain. Letting your brain stay the way it is and build a rich kingdom around it. They make their progress in the real world, I make my progress in the fantasy world. “You can’t just shut yourself in your ivory tower.” Why not? To be in a state of war is to be living life in the GRAND STYLE. This is the greatest time of my life. This is the life I have always dreamed of. I am engaged in my life’s campaign now, I have found my life’s work. Working towards my revolution, like Bakunin, Karl Marx—you may never get there in your lifetime, but you read every day in the British Library, write a bit more every day into your great big masterwork setting out your revolution. The revolution has started now. I have started the fires blazing. Karl Marx set people raging, Charles Darwin set people raging, Albert Einstein set people raging, Sigmund Freud set people raging. I have set people raging with my ideas about what a borderline autistic person is allowed to do. The whole of Moloch was raging now, while I danced rings around them.